Early Morning Conversation

I chickened out of chickening out. I went to my friends birthday when I decided I wasn't going. I also spent way too much on a present that, quite frankly, she didn't deserve. What an idiot.

Anyway, I persuaded my other friend Becky, who otherwise would have been there by herself, to stay for the pub after dinner. She usually does a quick getaway. Having decided she was having a good time enough to stay over at my place, we went home and stayed up until 5am just talking.

This is the same friend who loved American Sniper. The subject came up and remembered I had my favourite book, Packing Inferno - The Unmaking of a Marine, on my bedside table. Giving it to her to look over, I wasn't expecting much of anything from her. She really isn't the type for deep or topical conversation beyond her own life. It went something like this:

Becky: Is it good?
Me: Best thing I've read.
Becky: Really.
Me: You can borrow it if you want.

She flicks through like she really cares. I expect nothing from her. I'm looking over at my DVDs, and think to myself, she has no interest in me or what I like. Most of the conversation is about the people at the party. We really have nothing in common but enjoy each others company. A feeling of complete loneliness comes over me and I realise that I have no one to share my music, films or books with. Things that I love. It's almost like I'm not a person, just someone to unload onto. Why isn't she curious or interested in the things I like? It feels like a rejection.

I know there are friends of different kinds. The ones that you bring to this gig/show and not another. The ones you share that new song and not the other. The people that I know just don't share any of my tastes. I really need to make some new friends who I actually have something in common with. It's getting to a point where I'm feeling like a freak.