Something that keeps coming up in my misadventures with the opposite sex, is the very obvious fact that I have nothing, absolutely nothing in common with the men that are attracted to me. This doesn't matter in anyway to them at all. They continue to have some fantasy about my 'type' that doesn't exist.
This means that all I am is a sexual object, a trophy, a thing of flesh and bone but not a person - with a personality (as you might expect being human).
Apparently, it doesn't really matter because I'm supposed to just take on whatever his interests, his passions, his opinions are. I'm supposed to fit in to him. I'm supposed to be bland, quiet,'feminine', inoffensive, non argumentative, passive. Gray Middle class. My 'types' all want to be middle class and white of course.
And then, there are the guys that completely ignore me, dismiss me because they hold the exact same views on my 'type'. What attracts the first guy to me, completely repulses the second.
One sees his stereotype of me as a positive, the other negative. The thing is, all stereotyping is negative. It serves no one.
I saw this scene a few years ago. I was having lunch with a friend in a Korean restaurant in China town. A couple came in and sat opposite us. They were young (early 20s), probably students, super trendy and fashionably dressed. The guy was white, tall, blonde, wore glasses, I'm pretty sure he was British. He seemed a bit geeky. The girl was a pretty average Asian, definitely from overseas, so a native Asian. Exotic to the average westerner.
They were almost the perfect couple, in terms of looks.
Yet, as my friend and I continued chatting away (quite loudly), I noticed the couple didn't say more than a few words to each other the entire time they were there. Did they have an argument? Nope, they didn't look annoyed, angry, nothing. If anything, it looked like it was a first date or something.
Ok, so people tend to get shy on first meetings, but this couple didn't even try to start a conversation. Aren't you supposed to talk to each other? Not just sit there and eat in silence. Am I exaggerating for effect? Actually no, they literally sat there and ate in silence!
I found the whole thing bizarre. Why on earth would you want to meet up and have a meal with someone and not talk? At all?
Was there a language problem? I don't think so, they both spoke quite easily when ordering food.
They didn't look tired or weary. I know hanging out with friends we sometime get a bit burnt out after chatting away so much, we get quiet at the end of a long day spent together. Was this the case with this couple? I really don't think so, it seemed like they had just met up, it was congenial and polite, but a little nervous (as usual on first dates).
Was there some no verbal flirting going on? Nope, I observed them pretty closely. There wasn't a glimmer of a smile to be seen, not any emotion. They were eating on the same table, but as complete strangers. Had you walked past, you would have thought they were strangers and not a couple.
Imagine yourself in such a relationship. I couldn't. Why would I go out with someone who fancied me, but had nothing to say to me? What could he be interested in?
I don't know, may be I'm being harsh. Maybe these two people were too alike, both too quiet, too shy, too bland.
This is a scene you usually find with long term couples. We've said everything. I've gotten so used to you that I don't see you any more. We just exist together and we've become convenient to each other.
This wasn't the case though. All I can conclude is the 'relationship' was simply based on superficial looks and pretty much nothing else. No spark, no connection, no recognition.
Although there was a little nervousness, there wasn't any of the pressure of a first date at all. The sad thing was, they seemed to be content with this. No effort to break the silence, no comments on the food, nothing...?
I never want to be like this.
