Wishing you weren't here

I haven't written anything for 4 years. I've had plenty of times when I had something, but I was so consumed by it, the energy to write was sucked away. Actually the energy to do anything disappeared. That's what the D loop does to you. It wasn't just the internal loop, the external stresses of life and people sucked everything out of me.

I'm now certain this is depression and anxiety. No question.

You'd think it was the depression that was the thing but it's not. It's the anxiety attacks threatening me everyday that pull me back into the hole. And it's a sucking black hole that feeds off me. I've managed to pre-empt it sometimes, manage it, but there are things you can't control. People.