Mid-life Tremors

I was feeling really down this morning. To the point of a tear or two, I felt it coming on as I was making my way to the station on the bus. I sat there listening to my usual on-the-move playlist when I got a sudden turn of the blues. I've never had this before, I'm usually very calm and collected and it's one of my worst fears to cry in front of people let alone strangers.

What going's on? I think it has to do with Harry. It's made me feel like I'm missing something in my life. I remember now, towards the station I had the mad thought that I wanted to just give it all up, do something extreme. I don't know what, get drunk, take drugs, leave and get out of the country. I remember thinking I was feeling two extremes of emotion: totally numb and highly emotional. I wanted to shot something, kill or destroy something. I was angry, miserable, hurt.

The sun was blazing, which made it worst because I had to work and all I wanted to do was leave.