High Maintenance

By nature I am a true slob. Necessity on the other dictates otherwise. There are things I must do to appear as a Free person; things I must do to feel in myself a sense of being part of the world; to have a sense of the possible - hope; confidence and self-esteem (the usual shit). Course, everyone has this insecurity to some extent.

The internet is a miracle. What I've learnt is a revelation and I would never have this sense of hope without it. I know I'm getting rather cryptic and abstract. What I'm refering to is a condition I have. Have lived with since my teens and didn't know any better. I thought I just had to live it. The high maintenace is something I need to experiment with, go on a trial by error. I'm determined to find something that will sort this miserable condition out and get me back to who I'm supposed to be. I use to repeat this rhyme to myself: I'm not the person who I was going to be, if some thing didn't happen to me.

I envy anyone who can walk out the door and not have to fuss over a beauty routine, just to look normal/healthy. Those Free people know who are.